Saturday 9 May, I found out I was pregnant. Nothing mattered in that moment-I just knew I was the most content I’d ever felt. A week later I started bleeding. I broke down with my first thought being that I was having a miscarriage. All my friends and family remained positive and tried to reassure me that this is sometimes normal, but I knew in my gut something wasn’t right.
We booked an early scan because by this point, I kept breaking down with anxiety, not knowing what was going on. Laying there, while having my internal scan, the sonographer tells me my uterus is empty. My first thought again was that I’ve lost the baby. It was then that she told me she had found a mass on my left side and that I needed to attend hospital immediately. I don’t remember much from that moment aside from sheer shock. I didn’t know much about ectopic pregnancy, but one thing I did know was that I wasn’t going to have this baby.
Fast forward and I was treated with methotrexate once the hospital had confirmed it was an ectopic pregnancy in the Fallopian tube. I attended weekly blood tests to ensure my hCG (Human chorionic gonadotrophin – a hormone produced during pregnancy) levels were dropping. It was Easter Sunday when I attended my weekly blood test as normal. I had been experiencing severe stomach cramps during the prior couple of days, increasingly getting worse. I mentioned it to the doctor, who, concerned it could be my appendix, booked a same-day ultrasound scan.
We were having family over for Easter lunch and I left to attend my scan. My words were, “I’ll only be an hour; see you in a bit”. I had no idea that I wouldn’t be coming back that day. After attending my scan, I was waiting to see the doctor for my results. “Are you on your own?” the doctor had asked me. I knew instantly that something was wrong. She explained to me that I had internal bleeding due to my tube rupturing and that they would need to operate immediately to remove my tube.
It all happened so quickly that I had no time to digest it. Within two hours, I was being wheeled into the operating theatre. It was then that it hit me and I began to cry. My boyfriend held my hand, and the nurse reassured me that everything was going to be okay. I just remember laying on the operating table, staring at the ceiling and thinking, how did it come to this?
I have been back at home for just under two weeks. Physically, I’m doing well and pretty much back to doing most of my usual things. Emotionally, I’m not there yet.
Seeing pregnancy announcements or photos of newborn’s on social media, I find myself scrolling past quickly, as it hurts too much. I find myself Googling “fertility with one tube” as my dream of being a mum just feels further out of reach than it was before. I’m taking each day one at a time and concentrating on my own health for now. When the time is right, we can try again, but right now the last thing I need is to put pressure on trying for a baby. I know this feeling won’t last forever, but right now, I just want to press the fast-forward button.
Thank you to Charlotte for sharing her experience of ectopic pregnancy. If you would like to share your experience of ectopic pregnancy, please remember our support services are available at any time.