I had just left my full-time job to take a leap of faith and start my own business. While exciting, this transition had also been extremely stressful and time consuming. I had completely lost touch with my body, not realising that I had been on my ‘period’ for 3 weeks. Concerned, but not expecting anything more than a stress related hormone imbalance I went to the doctor. This started the 4-day whirlwind of emotion of my ectopic pregnancy.
I found out from that appointment that I was pregnant. Despite the bleeding I was hoping that everything would be ok.
My sister was also pregnant at the time and the timing seemed bizarrely perfect. So, for 12 hours we had a little bubble of blissful ignorance. But the very next day at the early pregnancy unit this was shattered as the nurse had to break the news this pregnancy was not going to be ok. I had never really heard of anyone having an ectopic pregnancy, I was confused and searching for answers as to why this would happen to me. A little piece of me was hoping they’d made a mistake.
As the next few days went on I was being closely monitored at the hospital until I collapsed and things went quickly downhill. Within 2 hours I was being wheeled to my first ever operation.
The doctors and nurses at my local hospital were beyond amazing for me. They knew they couldn’t change the situation but they made the best decisions for my circumstances. The operation meant I had to take 4 weeks off my new venture. This was difficult. Going from a stressful busy time to a quiet 4 weeks with nothing to fill a huge void I struggled. I struggled watching others announce successful pregnancies, I struggled with the fear of what’s next to come for me, I struggled to forgive myself for this situation. I didn’t feel like myself at all. I wish there was a pivotal turning point but there isn’t really. I just started talking about what happened more.
After my 4 weeks of grieving I had to plough on, launch the business and make some money to survive. As a single young woman I realised there was no one here to help me.
As I went back to work I started opening up about my experience to my clients and I have been amazed at the compassion and support this has received. Being more open has also created a safe space for clients to share their own devastating experiences. The feminine being is so strong, we can withstand the deepest pains and still get up push forwards and make something beautiful of ourselves and our lives. I wanted to do something to honour this pivotal time in my journey that can offer some awareness to help other too.
No better way than to combine my business with this so I created the she, who is she campaign.
A celebration of the contrasting experiences that create the divine feminine.
We all hold the power to grow life but equally this power is so very fragile. We have our own stories that make us who we are and sharing those has opened my eyes to find beauty in those toughest times.
I hope that in some way this can resonate with you on your journey. My salon space will always be a safe zone for women to open up about the good, the bad and the ugly.
If I could say one thing: “Give yourself the time and care you need.”
Thank you to our contributor for sharing her experience. If you would like to share your experience of ectopic pregnancy, please visit our guide for more information.
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