At 7 weeks pregnant I went to the toilet, and I realised I was bleeding bad. I instantly sobbed in panic and sadness. I knew this amount of blood was not good and I was losing my miracle baby.
I rang the doctors, and the receptionist told me to go straight to A&E (accident and emergency).
A&E’s (accident and emergency) pregnancy test confirmed I was pregnant, I was bleeding and in pain. They said I needed a scan and made an appointment for me to come back the next day.
I explained whilst I thought I was miscarrying, I was also concerned if it was ectopic and would feel better having the scan then and there, not waiting overnight. They said there was no way of doing it as it had closed for the day.
The next day in the early pregnancy unit I had the ultrasound. She said she thought I had already miscarried but needed to do an internal scan to check there wasn’t a baby growing anywhere else. It felt like an age being prodded and poked for the internal scan. She apologised it might hurt as she had to concentrate on my left side digging in. She said there was a mass near my left tube.
It could be a cyst or an ectopic pregnancy.
We were showed into a private waiting room to wait for the doctor to come see me. The junior doctor did an internal examination.
She said my bloods would be taken to check my pregnancy hormone levels and then I would need to come back 48 hours later for more bloods to compare. If they had risen or stayed the same, it would be ectopic and if reducing it would signal a miscarriage.
Bloods were done and she asked the registrar to see me before I left. I was again examined internally. There was blood everywhere every time I was examined. In the most upsetting of times, it felt so hard to go through these examinations.
I was given their direct number and a pamphlet on what signs to look out for, for me to come straight back to the unit if I was worried. As I was leaving the unit the consultant chased after me and said please come back, he needed to see me.
He said he couldn’t sleep that night knowing I was at home if it was ectopic and would I stay in hospital until my second bloods were done? I agreed thankful, I was in a safe place in case it was ectopic.
As I was in hospital for those 48 hours I felt in a strange bubble, looked after by wonderful nurses. Whilst bleeding and the pain getting worse, I felt it was a miscarriage not ectopic and grieved for the baby I thought I had already lost.
Every time I went to the toilet, sobbing as I saw the blood.
My husband packed up my bags after my blood tests as we thought we would be leaving. The doctor came and said my levels hadn’t dropped which indicated ectopic and I was booked in for emergency surgery the next morning. I still thought they had it wrong in my heart, I don’t know why.
When I woke up from surgery, they said they had removed my left fallopian tube too. It was damaged most likely from a previous operation. So the baby couldn’t get through the tube. My other little girl who is now 5 years old must have come along the other tube as no baby could get through my left one.
The surgeon showed me internal pictures of the baby stuck in my tube. I was so thankful to her for taking them and showing me. But I was devastated that I had my baby inside me for those two days and didn’t realise. I thought I had already lost my baby and I hadn’t. I didn’t appreciate those two extra days.
The feeling of having your baby taken out of you like that is heart breaking. The scars forever there as a reminder.
Everything I did after recovering physically from the op was painful as everything was a reminder of being pregnant, of past hopes and dreams that were no more. I would get panic attacks on a night, as I kept having bad dreams. Mundane tasks seemed overwhelmingly daunting now.
At first I had lots of friends and family sending flowers, meals, cards, visiting me, these kept me going. But as the months went by and I outwardly improved, seemingly carrying on normal, everyone seemed to forget.
Or a random person would ask me if I was over my experience now. Like something that is medically wrong and I had got over as you would a broken bone. I felt like I was dealing with it alone as the due date approached and only myself was aware of it. All of the old feelings flooded back.
The memories, the loss, the ache in my heart. I’m still at that place now as I approach the due date.
I’m so thankful for the ectopic pregnancy trust who have helped me realise I’m sadly not alone and many others unfortunately know how I feel. I’m sorry for each one of you and send you a big hug.
To think I wasn’t going to get myself checked and it was only my friend’s advice that made me. I’m so thankful to her too.
If I could say one thing: Insist on a scan for any pain with bleeding in pregnancy and look at the ectopic pregnancy trust website in hospital to know that in your darkest hour you aren’t alone
Thank you to our contributor for sharing their experience. If you would like to share your experience of ectopic pregnancy, please visit our guide for more information.
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